TAKERS vs GIVERS: who is richer ?

TAKERS try to gain as much as possible from their interactions while contributing as little as possible

GIVERS support others with no strings attached

MATCHERS expect reciprocity; you give what you get and vice-versa

I’ve always known what I want to be when I grow up……it’s RICH! Kimora Lee Simmons rich! Yes, my 10 year old brain thought she was the richest woman on the planet.

 Based on all my research, there are two methods of achieving wealth:

  1. The Heavenly Principle- you have to give in order to be wealthy
  2. The world economy- you have to save and invest wisely to be wealthy

In this journey, I’ll be applying the Heavenly principle; even though I haven’t always been a giver. For quite some time, I’ve been the World’s Most Emotionless Taker; if you’re willing to give me something, I’m ready to take it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t take money from boys because they’re matchers; who usually want something in return, however I will take your time, skills, effort, knowledge, even your love, with no intention of paying back or reciprocating.

I’m the friend that hardly ever shows up for you. I value you and everything you do for me but I just don’t see the need to sacrifice anything for you, except I feel like. In the end, it’s all about me and my feelings.

I’ve come across quite a number of givers in my life and I didn’t think there was anything wrong in taking from them, because they seemed genuinely satisfied with helping me. Even the times I gave, it was in a quest to satisfy my desires; in university, I spent some time tutoring my peers, not because I had a great love for humanity but because in order to be sure that I retainedh knowledge, I needed to be able to explain whatever I’d learned to others, plus I simply enjoyed talking and being needed by others.

I have also come across some takers and whilst I was giving to this particular taker, I genuinely didn’t expect anything in return because I thought that was how relationships were supposed to be. After the relationship ended I came to understand that relationships are about giving and taking, and that subsequently I would be the taker.

Thankfully the Holy Spirit helped me realize that those aren’t the traits of a Queen and so I’m changing, however I think the weirdest part about giving is tithing; it’s very unlike investment wherein you know the percentage return, time span and currency. With the Lord, you never know how long it’ll take and in what manner it’ll come, but this is the path my quest for wealth has lead me through and I’m simply going to take it one step at a time.

A love note to Anxiety

I was speaking to the Holy Spirit last night, and He said “your anxiety is gone”, I didn’t say “Amen” in agreement, I froze. For those of you that don’t know Him, the Holy Spirit is a higher being that can literally make anything come to pass, so why didn’t I say amen ? Didn’t I want to be well, calm and have myself under control?

It was then that I realized the awful truth; I had fallen in love with my brokenness. Anxiety and I had become such close friends that I referred to it as “my anxiety”. I’d say things like “my anxiety only comes when…”, as though I was taking ownership of the illness.

Anxiety makes me feel out of control, as though life is choking me and if I’m being honest I don’t know who I am without this awful feeling of fear and discomfort. However having anxiety seems like the most appropriate response to the pressures of life, I mean how else should I respond to issues, if not illogically. Most times I think my anxiety is justified; certain situations require me to be scared shitless. After escaping a seemingly toxic relationship, thoughts of any form of romantic relationship leaves me panic-stricken and frantic with worry, hence anxiety.

Why didn’t I say “Amen” when it mattered the most?

I think my desire to stay anxious also comes from my fear of change (there I go again taking possession of an illness). Change comes with the unknown and I’d rather be out of control in anxiety, than in the unknown where I have no control and know not what to expect. At least, with anxiety, I know what to expect. You might think this is crazy and wonder if I’ve ever really had an anxiety attack, but I think you should know that I’d pick counting backwards and trying to pace my breath while attempting to take back what little control I have left over the unknown.

I guess it’s great that I’ve come to terms with my fear of change and bond with anxiety, unfortunately I’ve not only admitted to having anxiety, I think I’ve prepared a bed for it and made it feel comfortable.

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